I be a good righter.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Ugly children.

Some kids are ugly. That's just life. And it's hard to hear people tell you that your perfect little baby isn't so perfect. It's hard to understand that your perfect little ugly bundle of joy can become beautiful. Especially when its webbed feet have just been pointed out to you and now that's all you can see...

I've taken a lot of notes. I've given a lot of notes. I've been around a lot of people who give notes. And, these are the guys I've seen:


1. The Bar Fight Guy.

His response to his perfectly plotted, intricately weaved, ass ugly script is to fight tooth and nail about why his baby is actually pretty, despite the odd-shaped head. He pounds his fist on the table, refusing to hear any bad words, repeating why these particular horns on his baby are necessary to the plot. They're not. And, he's fired.

2. The Guy Nursing His Beer.

His response is to sit there, poker faced, nodding at the appropriate moments. You're not entirely sure if the notes are being heard (guess you'll see it in the next draft). He writes down everything you say. But, you're getting nothing back from him, so you're not sure if you're wasting your time. In fact, if you've completely misread his script, and don't understand something, he won't speak up and tell you that you've misread it. He'll go back home thinking you're an idiot (maybe you are), and won't fix it, because you were actually wrong. But, because he doesn't say a word, he doesn't speak up for his baby, you have no idea why he didn't fix the lazy eye. He's fired.

3. The Bar Buddy.

This is the guy who, when given a note that he doesn't particularly like, will tell you why he doesn't agree with the note. Calm, cool, and completely collected. If you insist that the hair lip is actually pretty unattractive, this guy will spitball with you, plastic surgery on the baby's face. He'll come up with ideas, maybe better, maybe worse. But, you feel that he's interacting with you. He's not saying why his baby's not ugly. He's saying that he wants to work to make it prettier. He's hired.

The Notes-Givers

1. The Guy Who Tells It Like It Is...

This guy will just blurt out: I hated this. No preamble. No, "well, I like that he's got nine toes, it makes him different!" There's nothing you can say to this note. You can't defend yourself against someone's hatred. Because that has nothing to do with your script. The guy hates hairlips. You can tell him you've scheduled an appointment with Dr. Goldstein, plastic surgeon to the stars. But, he hasn't given you an actual note. Totally fired.

2. The Guy Who Hits On You.

This is the guy who has only has praise for your baby. Newer writers (I've been guilty of this myself) tend to love this guy. Who doesn't love a guy who's telling you how gorgeous your baby is? This guy's the most dangerous (again, mainly to newer writers), because you can let yourself get complacent and just listen to him, especially after hours of listening to negative words. This guy just wants to get in your pants. But, this guy's also got a 50/50 chance of being hired. Compliments go a long way... even if they're insincere.

3. The Guy Who Stares.

You're in a roomful of people, all these people are jumping in with their two cents. This guy just stares. He thinks of himself as a quiet, pensive chap. When really, he's just creepy. He's beyond fired. We're getting a restraining order as he's voted most likely to go postal...

4. The Cliff From Cheers Guy

This guy knows it all. And, he's not afraid to tell you. He'll go into full on detail about why, in real life, your baby wouldn't have an abnormally large forehead. Because, in real life, your baby would would actually have only one eye. Because that's real life. And, apparently, you haven't written real life. Even though, many times, the real life version would be very boring (see: all medical dramas) and sometimes you just have to make it up and make it sound believable -- even if it doesn't happen in real life! Depending on how vehement this guy is he's hired. How can you fire a guy for keeping it real?

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Who've you guys encountered? And, which one are you?


  • At May 25, 2006 1:14 PM, Blogger wcdixon said…

    I would say I'm a combination of the 'Bar Buddy' and 'Guy Nursing Beer' note-taker...and 'Guy Who Stares' (and then finally speaks after everyone else has piped up) and 'Cliff from Cheers' note-giver --- which is saying nothing really...depending on the room, maybe its all of the above?


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