wannabetvwriter

I be a good righter.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Whining.

The paths are still here. Except, now, they've become two entirely different paths. And really? This whole two paths thing is pissing me off. Because, one path has been defined. The husband's. He's moving to Dublin for two years.

Unfortunately, from his defined path comes two as yet to be defined paths for me. And, that my friends, is the nature of the business. Sure there are meetings on the horizon (well, meeting, but if this one goes well, it could lead to others). There is also that odd directive from that mentorship program to consider from last year. "You WILL apply again." (I am) There's also the new agent. And potential managers (long shot -- but still). So, that's path one.

But, see? I didn't actually think the Dublin thing would happen. I pushed it to the furthest regions of my brain. I'm great at compartmentalizing (read: avoiding) the tough-to-think-about issues. But it is. It's happening. In July.

So, my husband's leaving. And, now, I have to decide if I am too. As much of a control freak as I am, I sincerely wish someone would just say: "This is what you're going to do." And, then I'd have to do that. Because I don't want to have to make the decision to move, and potentially lose traction on my career (that's path two, for you folks keeping count). I don't want to do the part time here/part time there. And, I don't want to say, "Bye, babe, see you in a few." That last one's the path that's SO not happening-- actually, I don't want any of this to be happening.

However, what's most likely to happen is the part time here/part time there. It's the most detrimental to my process, though, because that will = lack of writing. I know, I can write anywhere. I can also find a million of excuses to not write. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. Which is why I'm writing so much now, because I fear all this disruption will inhibit my creative process. Or, I'll use it as an excuse to inhibit my process. And I'll become this complacent, procrastinating, self-loathing mess (basically, not much different than now).

So, guess what? I'm whining. And complaining. And, really, I should be grateful that my guy's the William Goldman of computers. And, I should be proud that he's so damned good that his company accepted his hail mary counter-offer. Yes, I should know that it's all going to work out and that at least we're both healthy.

But, that's not me. Sorry. I'm a miserable, neurotic mess of a writer who makes excuses and hates others who use excuses, who are neurotic, who are miserable. I hate the placating loved ones saying, "It'll be fine." I hate the religos (read: my dad) saying, "It's His will."

Yet, I can't help being proud of my husband, I can't help being a little optimistic, I can't help being a little excited by the prospect of living part time in Dublin. I can't help loving my Jesus-freak dad.

If you feel it necessary to respond "It's all going to work out." Please don't. Because I'll be inclined to tell you to fuck off whilst secretly being grateful. So, let's pretend you said it, and let's pretend I'm secretly grateful. And, while we're pretending, can we pretend that my husband's not moving to Dublin?

2 Comments:

  • At May 09, 2006 5:48 AM, Blogger RKBentley said…

    Mkay, so you make them come to you.

    Are face to face meetings really needed in this day and age?

    Video Conferancing, email, telephone conversations via Skype/AIM/iChat are not as good as face to face but they can help.

    Besides, you never know, you may be able to look for prospects over in the UK instead of H'Wood. Talk to a few fellow screenwriters/bloggers in the UK and see what the dealio is.

    And, whenever I'm in Dublin I can crash on your coach. ;)

    rkb

     
  • At May 09, 2006 11:12 AM, Blogger procrastinatrix said…

    Unfortunately RKB, it doesn't really work that way. Agents, showrunners, network executives et al. do not do their hiring and meet-and-greets via video, AIM/iChat, etc. You can't exactly "make them come to you" when the people in the biz, particularly television, are all firmly planted in LA and have no desire nor need to look outside their immediate surroundings for writers. Feature screenwriting, on the other hand, is totally different and your comments may be more applicable in that arena.

    So boom, totally there with you on the dilemma and I hear your pain. So understand that my obligatory "It'll all work out" is silent but understood.

     

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