I be a good righter.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Gay Paris

Okay. Seriously. I've only been gone two weeks and everything's changed. The two skankiest, skeeviest people on earth have hooked up. How did this happen? I mean, I'm cool with the whole gay thing. But, is Gay Paris just using her? Man, is Fed-ex gonna be pissed. No man likes being left for a woman. It makes them seem... impotent, despite evidence to the contrary.

Please people, feed me gossip from yonder. It's not like I'm in a third world country, it's that I'm fucking sick of Hello magazine. You can be damned sure they haven't enlightened me on this breaking news. No, instead everything's about some guy named Pete or something on some show called Big Brother.

Give me some good ole U.S. goss any time. And don't remind me of this. Because really, that was me from another time. Now I just want me some People, and US weekly and for fuck's sake some damned Peet's coffee.


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