I be a good righter.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Shoulda Stayed Hidden

Okay, I'm pretty up to date with all of my summer watching. BURN NOTICE - check! THE CLOSER - check! PSYCH - check! I've even added some shows, like, IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Is it just me or does everything have a sheen of suckage about it? Stories, this summer, seem half-assed. Dialogue reads like it could have been written by me. Various plots also could have been written by me. If it were just one show, I'd chock it up to that. Now I'm left wondering if it's blowback from the Strike? Or have people been mentally damaged to the point that they're incapacitated? I say "people" because it's not just the writing on these shows. It's the acting, the directing (and I NEVER notice directing on shows). There was even an episode of LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT where I found the set-design so distracting I had to rewind it three times to catch on to the story. And that was in a wood-paneled office. It's *that* bad, people. It's like everyone has lost their will to TV. It's almost making me lose my will to watch. Almost.


IN PLAIN SIGHT is a semi-fun new show created by David Maples and starring Mary McCormack as Mary Shannon, U.S. Marshall extraordinaire. Each episode has a little serial (Mary dealing with her boyfriend; Mary dealing with her sister who's come to stay; Mary dealing with her mother who's also moved in) and a little stand-alone (the Witness put into Witness Protection).

I tend to like the stand-alone portions the best. They're usually pretty unique and they seem to be the best witnesses to go into witness protection on a show about such things (read: the worst possible people for Mary to have to look out for (read: great conflict)). The family/boyfriend stuff is pretty eh! to me. So take my comments with a grain of salt.

I pretty much enjoyed IPS. And even, on occasion, looked forward to it being in the TiVo. I just... I don't think I can watch it next season. They've just... ruined it. The finale took what little bit of enjoyment I had completely out of it. The entire time I was watching the episode (I'm not sure why I didn't just turn it off) I kept repeating, agog, "this is crap!" "This is so bad!" "Someone wrote this?"

When I was young I went to see CRIMES OF THE HEART with my friend Rose and her grandfather who was from Poland or China or some place that wasn't Washington D.C. Maybe Texas. We get out of the film and both Rose and I ask her grandfather what he thought of it. His description was:

GRANDPA (thick Polish/Chinese/Texan accent): It was two hours watching three women scream and cry. I could stay home for this.

Now, I don't want to exaggerate and say that that's what the IPS finale was like. Because, for one, it was only 46 minutes or so. But, other than that, it's exactly like what Rose's Grandpa's description was. The IPS finale was 46 minutes of watching three women scream and cry. Er, I was actually home. But, yeah. It didn't need to be that. It didn't need to be horrible. And now I want to pour bleach on my brain to try to forget that episode...

Let's pretend I have and move on:

During IPS there have been a lot of commercials for THE STARTER WIFE, which I'd never seen. So, I checked it out on hulu.

SIDEBAR: Hulu fucking sucks. Look, I download a shitload of shows off of iTunes. Everyday I wake up to a new receipt from them. And, I'm totally cool with that. When I can't find it on iTunes, I head over to hulu. What I'm trying to say here is that I take every precaution before turning to bit torrent. So, I found TSW on hulu, and I watch. I'm fine with the commercials. Even when it's the same fucking one over and over and over and over. Because it's free to me, I'm fine with this. But, because it's free to me, don't insult me by giving me crap audio and crap visuals AND commercials (which strangely have perfect audio and perfect visuals). Because, seriously, I'd rather bit torrent than deal with all three.


So, I watch THE STARTER WIFE, it's not awful, it's not great. I'm sort of apathetic towards it. I probably would have liked it a lot more if the writers hadn't written the main character, Molly Kagan, played by Debra Messing (whom I normally hate, but did not hate here) as a kind of lap dog. Yes, I know she gets all loud and in your face at the end. But it was a little too late, and didn't really make total sense in the context of things. But the one moment that really really really irked me?

The premise of the show, if you can't tell by the title, is Molly's hubby dumps her. Molly's hubby is a very successful producer in the Bidness. And as soon as she's dumped, she's shunned by acquaintances, her gym, random dogs on the streets...

Here's where I get pissed:

She's even shunned by her own best friend, who she talks to on the phone at least 10 times a day. And the best friend, Cricket, shuns her because... her husband has a movie with Molly's husband and he's afraid the movie's not going to go if Molly's hubby thinks they're still friends with Molly.

I don't know about you all, but I'd be pretty pissed if I were Molly. But... Molly wasn't. And when Cricket finds out her husband cheated on her? She goes running to Molly. WHO WELCOMES HER WITH OPEN ARMS!

I guess it kind of felt like the writers wrote themselves into a corner with the Cricket story line and didn't know how to gracefully get out of it. And that's what they chose to do. And, as soon as Molly started mentioning that she'd forgiven Cricket? That's when I stopped believing her character. That's when I started noticing other little things that weren't totally believable -- things that I'd normally overlook whilst in the moment of watching.

Speaking of unbelievable characters -- I've procrastinated all I can today. Feel free to help me find more ways to procrastinate by bitching about your most hated recent moments in TV.


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