I be a good righter.

Monday, April 03, 2006


Yeah. I got one. It's really great. I mean, I've been working really hard all these years to get an agent. And now I have one. I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do next, though. I mean. My thought process was:

1. Win a major contest.
2. Get an agent.

It pretty much ended there. I don't know what's next. What step 3 is. Presumably it's: Get a job.

However. My agent and I have only recently shaken hands. So, it's been like 2 weeks we've been together. There's this kind of major thing that is happening for me, and we're waiting to hear. There's this other kind of major thing that's happening for the hubby, and we had to deal with that by being in Europe for the past week. So, in case you haven't been keeping count. I've had agent for 2 weeks. I've been out of the country for 1 of those weeks.

During my time away, my agent calls. My home phone. He knows I'm away. He knows I'm dying to hear about this news. He knows everything (he should, he's an agent). So, I get the message at like 1 am in Europe. Why am I calling home for messages while I'm in Europe? Well, my friends, I am drunk. Or, at least I was. And it seemed like a great idea. So, after retrieving his message, which is a very breezy, "Boom, it's Bob, call me when you can." (His name's not Bob). I'm like, I HAVE TO CALL HIM. So, I do. I get his assistant. Totally normal. But, um, I'm drunk. So I ramble on about how I'm in Europe, but Bob called me, and he should call me back if it's an emergency (meaning, is the news good?) I give the assistant numbers, ramble a bit more, slurring the whole way.

Did I mention I was drunk?

Meanwhile, across the pond, a friend has finished her script. She's sent it to her agent two weeks ago. He promises he's weekend read it. He doesn't get a chance. So he reads it this weekend. Then texts her last night: "read the script. it's great. will call you tomorrow."

Meanwhile, back in Europe, I'm freaking out. My agent isn't calling me. At all. Then I remember that I said "if it's an emergency." So, presumably, he's like "bad news isn't an emergency." Because, of course, by this time I'm hungover, and I know it's bad news. So, I decide to do what any neurotic writer would do: I send him a breezy email. "Hey Bob, just checking in. Seeing how it's going?" (Subtext: EMAIL ME MOTHERFUCKER!) Agent has yet to email me.

Yesterday, we flew back to Sunny LA. Except it's rainy LA. Not boding well for my mood.

So, I'm IMing with my friend who's neuroticizing (a word we've made up for what we do, variations are: neuroticization, neurotifications, etc) about this strange text message that she's gotten from her agent. It's during our mutual neuroses that I decide I'll call Bob at 10:23 (seems a good time to call, it's not on the hour, so it won't be like "I've been waiting to call you Bob!" it's sort of a weird time that makes it seem like I'm just "Oh, that's right, I should call Bob." At least, this is my reasoning). Meanwhile, friend's agent isn't calling her. And I've suddenly realized...

The two agents know how neurotic writers are. They're fucking with our heads. It's like a game of golf for them, except it's raining, so they can't play golf, so they're playing "fuck with the newbie client's heads." I figure it goes like this:

BOB: Hey Joe.
JOE: Hey Bob, how's the new client?
BOB: Great. Seriously, she's been perfect. How's yours?
JOE: Got her a bunch of meetings, everyone's loving her.
BOB: That's great. You haze her yet?
JOE: I'm doing it as we speak.
BOB: No shit. So am I.
JOE: Ha ha. Seriously?
BOB: Yeah, mine's in Europe right now, so I called her and left her a message. So far she's called me and emailed me in a 24 hour period. She's in Europe for 5 more days...
JOE: I texted mine last night to tell her I'd call her today. I'm totally calling her Friday.
BOB: You should have texted her Saturday morning.
JOE: Oh, man. I SO should have.


(Note: friend's agent's name isn't Joe).
(Note: I'm very jet-lagged, so this probably doesn't all make sense, or, um, it probably has a lot ot typos -- like that one).