I be a good righter.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

(Bitter) SUHWEET!

I was up really late last night. And then when I finally fell asleep, I only slept for a couple of hours. There are some choices to be made here. I started on one path. I mean, I decided I wanted to be a TV Writer and then, lo, I was speccing a show. It was a piece of shit spec. And I think I knew it. I told myself that I'd only continue writing if I got some sort of sign after writing the hardest spec I could think of (LAW & ORDER at the time seemed to be the hardest, turns out it's actually ALL OF THEM!). And, I got WB semi-finalist out of that one. It was a good sign, and I've done well in the contest world.

I just couldn't get past the contest world. And there was a huge thing that happened. That I've never really gotten over. It's one of the reasons I agreed to go to Ireland, because in Ireland there was no pressure -- I couldn't make it as a US TV writer in Ireland, so there was no point in trying. Of course, that only lasted six months. But then there was this that and the other. All kinds of excuses. All kinds of me saying shit like, "I think I know why that thing affected me so much." I've made all kinds of excuses, I was too young, I wouldn't have appreciated it, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere anyway...

Turns out, I do know why that thing affected me so much. I got fired. From a career-making job. And I'm fucking terrified I'll get fired again. I'm terrified I'll never work in this town in my chosen field. I really really really really really really want to work in television. Like, I'd give my husband's right arm to do so. But there's always that nagging fear that the scary little voices whisper to me, "You'll probably get fired."

This is why I'm currently at a place in my life where I'm about to essentially work my way up -- starting from the mailroom. But, I didn't just graduate from college. I'm not 22. I'm 21+ a lot more than one. And I'm trying really really really hard to slap a smile on my face and be the "yes ma'am, no sir" person. I'm keeping my head down, I'm doing good work (I know because I got some mad praise and was over the moon about it) and I'm completely stressed out. And I need to find a way to not be stressed out that isn't cigarettes (which I've been sneaking).

Jesus fucking christ. I sound like a total ingrate. I've worked really hard to get to this bottom-feeder position. Which is a step above below-the-bottom-feeder position I currently work in. Very quickly it could potentially become a step above that (hope's a four letter word). I've done some extra work to make myself stand out, and it's been noticed. And I've been honest with folks about my end game (not the one with the shotgun; the one where I become a TV writer and get paid for the privilege) and they've seemed to appreciate it. So I've worked hard for this. And I'm just coming to realize that I've got a long way to go. But I'm not ungrateful, cuz I worked my ass off to get where I am today (which is barely anywhere). And I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm just tired.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Feast or Famine

I have no idea why, but I have a Feast-or-Famine relationship with certain shows. It usually seems to be the cable shows. It could be because I see how good they are and that highlights how good I have to strive to be.


It could be that, sometimes, they're so good and thought-provoking that they're kind of like going out to a posh dinner where you've got all of these strange creations on your plate with names and ingredients you could never pronounce, but are ultimately delicious. And sometimes you just want an In 'n' Out burger. Something like, THE MENTALIST. Which is not great by any stretch of the imagination. But when you tune in, you know exactly what you're going to get. Just like when you order the #1 with no onions (because onions are evil, people). CBS is brilliant at this kind of show. It's like the In 'n' Out of networks. Now that's got me thinking: What fast food joints are the other networks?


It's not that the cable shows are bad. Most of them are awesome. But sometimes they get too highbrow and too subtle in an "infused-with-essence-of-foie-gras" kind of way. This is DEXTER for me. The show has been piling up in my TiVo since the third episode. And for some reason, last week, I was really in the mood for truffle oil infused potato chips. So we started watching it. And I'm totally caught up in it again.

Now, I'm not saying DEXTER is a bad show. It's just a really fucking good show that is, at times, hard to watch. I mean, people have fucking miserable things happen to them. ALL THE TIME. There's never the happy, happy Chrismukkwanzaa ep. And there's just enough humor infused that it makes that hellaciousness bearable.

So, now, I'm sitting here blogging, wondering how I can get out of this fancy dinner I have to go to, just so I can gobble up the four remaining episodes left in my TiVo.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Thanksgiving just ended, or at least, it seems like it did. That was hella work. Cooking, cleaning, family, children, me gouging out my eyes and the inevitable last-minute family vacation to the desert, where everyone was tired/drunk/vomiting (from the crappy Salmonella filled food served at the hotel -- and we ate there twice).

Then I started up back at work. Something I don't really talk about because a friend of mine once got her first job on a pilot and she started a blog to chronicle her road to success, including what a shit boss she had. It became a blog that featured the shitiness of her shit boss. The show failed, sadly. And when the shit boss got the call that it was to be cancelled, he decided to trawl the interwebs in search of answers to why his show failed. And, well, he came across my friend's blog. And he read about what a shit boss he was. So shitty was he that he called her in to his office and fired her on the spot.

So, I don't talk about my work much. Or really, ever, I think.

But I did have to mention that I'm doing a wee bit of research for one of my bosses about various diseases. I assume that this is what it must be like to work on HOUSE. My boss, however, wants specific diseases. She's detailed the complete awfulness that she requires. So, I'm creating this binder full of articles of horrid diseases, pictures included, and my inner hypochondriac is now convinced I have some horridly infectious disease from drinking water or eating food or, you know, breathing.

I'm a little tired and run down today. And I have bags under my eyes. And my hair seemed a little thinner. And I think I have a new freckle. And my left leg is cramping up from being tucked under my right one and... I think I might have mitochondrial something something-itis. I'm probably dying as we speak.

Listen, if I don't post here within the next year, call an ambulance.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


Minute eight of "The Home Coming Job" has the Vikings' crazy good RB, Adrian Petersen, running the ball for about nine million yards (which is short for him). This single two-second moment has made me a life-long fan of the show.

Well, it's a bonus that it rocks, too.

My favorite show ever is HU$TLE. EVER. That and MIRACLES. But, I love me some heistiness. I was trés worried about LEVERAGE. I needn't have. It's fantabulous fun and I'm only eight minutes in to the second ep. But, you know, I've rewatched Adrian about a million times, even though I'm sure I saw the game whenever it aired. Looks like maybe they're playing the Bears?

Anyhoo, I hope to hell the public loves it as much as I do, cuz I want it to be around forevers.

Go Vikes! Go LEVERAGE!

Or go home.

(Or something).

Saturday, December 06, 2008



I wish November sweeps were really December sweeps. I'm home all the time in December, ready to cozy up to a fire, to drink some hot cocoa and watch some TV. So, you know, it would seem December would be the perfect time to air new episodes of shows. But they don't.

So, I'm left with leftovers on my TiVo. The shows I'm not all that into, but feel some sort of obligation to have been piling up through the Fall, whilst I'm keeping up with CHUCK and SARAH CONNOR and whatever else I watch the night of.

So, now I've got a TiVo full of FRINGEs and ELEVENTH HOURs and DEXTERs. Yah. DEXTER. I'm surprised at that one myself. I just can't seem to bring myself to watch it. It, like previous seasons, was slow out of the gate. A steady course, I'm sure, toward the frenetic pace of the second half of the season. But this season, for some strange reason, I just can't stay that course during the slow bits. And so, the DEXTERs sit in my TiVo, a tad congealed, a bit sad looking and slightly moldy. One day during this month, I'll scrape off the mold and ingest them during a long marathon.

Instead, I prefer, these days to watch The REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY. I refuse to put in a season pass as the show is so vapid that I'm embarrassed to have it sit for even a moment in my TiVo. Instead, I just catch it whenever I can. PROJECT RUNWAY is over, all were watched the night of, or the morning after. Now TOP CHEF is back, and it's awesome. Pretty much anything Bravo throws my way will be watched. Immediately. In fact, I wonder if there's anything on right now...